September 13, 2010
by JAMES TENAFLY
Looks like those four months you spent bingeing on coke and playing GTA IV weren’t a total loss after all! Bludgeoning all those pretend hookers actually made you better at making snap decisions, and no less accurate than those real-life having schmoes:
“Cognitive scientists from the University of Rochester have discovered that playing action video games trains people to make the right decisions faster. The researchers found that video game players develop a heightened sensitivity to what is going on around them, and this benefit doesn’t just make them better at playing video games, but improves a wide variety of general skills that can help with everyday activities like multitasking, driving, reading small print, keeping track of friends in a crowd, and navigating around town.”
Ha! See that? Getting rejected from the Marines and subsequently spewing three years of rage, anxiety, and insecurity over XBox Live actually made you a better person. Navigating? Check. Keeping track of heads in a crowd? Got that. Marksmanship? You better believe it. It’s time to show the world what you’re made of, highly-trained potential mass murderers and mercenaries!
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